Mafioso Unable to Buy Judge in Canada

Breaking News, April 26, 2007 @ 4:00 pm EDT

Former City of Vaughan mayor Michael Di Biase has lost his bid to "buy" a Canadian Judge despite Mafia links and pressure applied by Hell's Angels in the form of call-girls, illicit drugs and the torture-death of the Judge's spaniel dog.

Di Biase first made headlines in Vaughan (the city north of Toronto) after being caught by municipal police for the fifth time running red traffic signals. Each case, including the last, had been thrown out of court on technicalities.

After a Toronto Star newspaper story concerning the loss of the ticket summons by the court on the fifth offence, Mr. Di Biase defended his ignorance of red lights, saying,

"I'm the mayor, and I'm always in a hurry."

Di Biase lost the mayor's seat to an incumbent who had exposed his extensive pre-election gifts to Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty and his brother David, a federal Cabinet Minister, at a lavish eight course dinner hosted by one of Di Biase's Mafia land-developer buddies, who just happens to live down the street from Michael.

Roger Anderson, chairman of Durham Region, has no such worries as Di Biase. Not only is Anderson able to live in the back pockets of developers who want to build in the regional municipality, he is appointed rather than elected.

Prozac Approved for Dogs

It had to happen eventually in the U.S. where people think their pets are exetnsions of themselves - Prozac has been licensed for use in dogs.

It's being used by owners to control "separation anxiety" which once was merely chewing the toes off your Manolos or the laces from wing-tips, but has now escalated to raiding the refrigerator and drinking master's supply of beer.

Facing competition from their canine friends for the supply of an addictive substance, in this case beer, has led the American Food and Drug Administration to approve Prozac to lighten Fido's angst when you leave the house.

Coming home to a drunken dog when you expect him to be sober can lead to all kinds of family problems. Denial or making excuses for the dog only ingrains these. If the dog has to go to rehab, then whole family should go too - it's a family disease.

Good thing that dogs lack a prehensile thumb and forefinger to operate a Bic lighter. Otherwise you'd come to a drunken dog who has become cross-addicted and smoked all of your stash too!